I was raising my son alone. Our relationship was trusting, warm. At the age of 25, having lost his beloved girl, he became a drug addict. But the next 15 years, our relationship was still acceptable. He died at 40, this year. And in my arms I still had a 98-year-old lying mother.

Relations with her have always been tense. In childhood and youth, I was looking for her love, she was cold, strict and ugly. Nevertheless, before this year, and with her, the relationship with us, as it seemed to me, were close.

Everyone considers me a kind, humane person. And I myself did not know myself from the other side. But mom in dementia. I am 68 years old, it is difficult and morally and physically – my mother is resisting in the process of care and processing, it gives me delirium. There can be no question of. I am not going to hand over my mother somewhere either.

I began to notice that I was angry and broke. I was completely disappointed in myself, but I try to work on myself. Maybe you will advise you to read something? We live on two pensions, so there can be no talk of some kind of paid assistance. I had a wonderful creative profession, but for the past two years I have been sitting at home.

But this is not my main grief. The main thing is that I am now in a prison of my conscience. Mom will not become, and I will stay with my guilt. Of course, there are many nuances in the history of our relations with her and in the history of the family, but this does not excuse the changes in my behavior. I read Langle and realized that “dehumanization” had happened to me ..

Zinaida, I sympathize with you. Infinitely scary when children die. This is a great grief.

Your relationship with your mother was not perfect. You lacked her love, but, despite her coldness, you considered relations with her loved ones. You can, of course, speculate, reflect on the proximity between people. How do you understand her? Were there really close ones in your life, understanding and receiving you people?

Care for relatives suffering from dementia is one of the most difficult and exhausting

There is nothing surprising that you are annoyed and broken. The judgments of people in dementia are unpredictable, because the psyche is broken and there are no ways to restore it, you can only delay complete degradation.

The most beautiful attitude towards man, when he was in his right mind, can turn into hatred because of the absurd thoughts, delirium, into which real people are quite calmly built. It is difficult to treat your close relative indifferent, not to take everything to heart.

You can endlessly try to reach

the patient, explain something, but, alas, this is impossible, in this we are powerless. A kaleidoscope of painful feelings caring for many relatives – wine, shame, anger, irritation, hatred, helplessness.

The situation is complex and requires an attentive attitude not only to the patient, but also to himself. You have to cope yourself, you have no assistants, you carry the whole load alone, and you also need rest. Be sure to arrange for yourself a “fasting” watch to gain strength. At this time, it would be good to stay alone, go for a walk, just sit in silence. If there is a lesson that distracts you, do it.